Promiscuous Gamer

The Promiscuous Gamer enters a Galaxy of Heroes and is advised by Sly Stallone how to be a real man

The Promiscuous Gamer enters a Galaxy of Heroes and is advised by Sly Stallone how to be a real man

As game executive Bing Gordon famously put it (about) in 2010, "This is the most promiscuous app audience in the history of mankind."

This is the diary of a (brand new) promiscuous gamer...

  • Current Games

1. James Bond: World of Espionage (Glu Mobile)

I've spent most of the game thinking I was playing as my agent, Fatima. I was always weirded out that I would often be shown a picture of some white dude doing all the cool stuff, when clearly it was Fatima's brilliance on display.

Anyway it turns out I am just an identikit white male in a suit as currently I'm on a mission protecting Fatima. Go figure.

2. Farm Away! (Futureplay)

I receive morepush notifications from Farm Away! than from actual human beings. That said, with some of the nonsense these notifications spout, it can take me a second to realise it isn't someone I know.

The final plot still eludes me. I've hit something of a speedbump in terms of production, such that even after leaving the game for a couple of days I've not amassed anything near enough gold.

3) Sniper X (Glu Mobile)

Statham is convinced his grandmother could shoot better than me. I'm convinced that 30 seconds is not enough time to recon an area, find three targets, and place a bullet between their eyes.

Needless to say I shall not be seeing his next film.

4) Beatniks (Harmonix)

Oh. Yeah.

Whoops.

5) Dustland (Gumbug)

This game just told me that water is effective against fire like it was new information. I'm not seeing it surviving to next week's column.

6) Bakery Story 2 (Storm8 Studios)

I still can't get over the old guy eating a cake with a fork. Just a fork as well! There's no knife in sight! How is he cutting the cake?

Jenny, who runs the general store across the road, has asked that I make an investment in her store so she can hold more items. Which she will sell to me. Not even at a discount. Not a very good business woman is Jenny.

7) Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector (Hit-Point)

CATS.

I'm working towards trying to unlock the house, but you need golden fish to do that. For the first time in a long while, I am tempted to purchase some with real money, as my cats are being a bit stingy of late.

At least they aren't bringing me dead mice, I suppose.

8) Hello Kitty: World of Friends (Assorted Nuts)

Everyone seems convinced that Hello Kitty needs to be dressed in a specific way to progress in life, which frankly goes against much of what I believe.

Especially since she's already in a cat costume. Adding to that must take a lot of effort.

Progress is tough, mainly because of harder tasks being added in. Not for me, you understand, as all I need to do is push buttons. Hello Kitty, meanwhile, has been volunteering at the fire station, which seems like a bad idea to say the least.

  • New Installs

1) Real Boxing 2 CREED (Vivid Games)

Sly Stallone told me to punch a man in the face, and when Stallone tells you to punch a man in the face, well, you punch that man as hard as you can.

Especially when he's looking at you like that from the bottom of the screen.

Shortly after this the game crashed. It might be time for me to get some new tech.

2) Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes (EA)

There's something surprisingly satisfying about Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes. The UI is horrible, the various currencies very confusing, and the training aspect annoys me with its Training Droids nonsense.

But despite all that, I actually enjoyed what little I managed to play. It's simple combat but feels instantly rewarding, and so far there's plenty of achievements and objectives that are easy to complete.

Could quite easily see myself sinking a lot of time into this.

3) Chromatic Souls (Gamevil)

I'm sorry, but what the hell is a chromatic soul?

This is a remarkably confusing JRPG. The tutorial whisks you past the dozens of menus to get where you need to be, without really explaining what you're doing, or using words that make much sense.

Still, your characters wobble around at the bottom of the screen as you fight, and that makes me giggle to myself a little.

4) BRICKCRASH (Gree)

If you ever tried to imagine Breakout as if it was designed specifically for a Japanese market, then you'll be glad to hear it finally came to life. For some reason.

Actually quite enjoying it, all told. The whole "drawing lines under your character so they bounce up" isn't new, but I can't remember the name of the game I know it from, so I'm willing to let it slide for now.

Not sure how it's being monetised though. Have yet to see an ad or any kind of IAP. Maybe I'm not looking hard enough.

5) Super Dangerous Dungeons (Jussi Simpanen)

Cutesy little platformer. The button controls actually work quite well, and ads are super infrequent so I'm not overly inclined to pay to remove them. Perhaps I'm just evil.

6) Hearthstone: Heroes of Warcraft (Blizzard)

Totally missed this when it first launched, never had the inclination to play it since. Got curious, given it's a popular western F2P game, something you don't often hear.

I'm absolutely terrible at it, but it's actually quite fun. I've won a few matches, but I think that was mostly down to luck, and my strategy of "put everything into defence mostly just to annoy opponents."

  • Uninstalls

1) Mobile Strike (Epic War)

Matt: "I think I'm still on the tutorial, it keeps just pointing at things with a big yellow arrow and telling me to tap it."
Jon: "I've been playing it for a week and that's all it's been for me so far."
Me: *uninstalls Mobile Strike*

2) StormBorn: War of Legends (JuiceBox Games)

Apparently having 17 games on the go is "too many", so I had a cull of the ones I hadn't yet started. I am a busy man, after all.

3) Mavenfall (Blue Tea Games)

See above.

4) Nords: Heroes of the North (Plarium Global)

See above.

5) The Walking Dead: No Man's Land (Next Games)

Had absolutely no desire to return to this. To be honest, if I wanted to play a game that handles a lot like XCOM, I'd just play XCOM.

6) Pocket Trains (NimbleBit)

I lost track of what was going on and then got bored and deleted it.

7) Beneath The Lighthouse (Nitrome)

Forgot how much I hate being infuriated by games.

8) Blossom Blast Saga (King)

Funny that they would put in literal glass ceilings as an obstacle.

Weekly recap

  • Installed: 6
  • Uninstalled: 8
  • In Play: 14
  • Spending: $0.00
  • To-date 2015 'Life Time' Value: $0.00
Deputy Editor

Ric has written for PocketGamer.biz for as long as he can remember, and is now Deputy Editor. He likes trains.

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