Promiscuous Gamer

The Promiscuous Gamer becomes besties with Katy Perry and finally finds a use for his English degree

The Promiscuous Gamer becomes besties with Katy Perry and finally finds a use for his English degree

As game executive Bing Gordon famously put it (about) in 2010, "This is the most promiscuous app audience in the history of mankind."

This is the diary of a (brand new) promiscuous gamer... who now has a YouTube channel.

Current Games

1. Farm Away! (Futureplay)
[Spending to-date: $4.99]

I have once again plateaued on Farm Away!, with progress slowed by a lack of bonus seeds and repeated duplicate finds in the new shoeboxes preventing me from unlocking anything new.

I have managed to unlock a daily login reward of a reindeer to harvest, however. But harvesting said reindeer leads to its decapitation (I am not joking), so I'm unsure if I really want to be a part of that.

2. Sniper X (Glu Mobile)

"Can one truly put a cost on a human life?" I find myself wondering as I blow out the brains of several bad guys, only to be paid a tenth of the cost of an upgrade to my weapon, something I desperately need if I want to finish the third campaign.

Frankly, I think Statham might need to be investigated by Inland Revenue. Having to pay for your own equipment to work in the year 2015 is surely against the law.

3. Beatniks (Harmonix)

Hit a brick wall with this one. The best way to earn experience is to login every day and play the mini-games, but after the first few days of this, those games become incredibly dull.

Slowly pushed myself to level 14, however, which unlocks the ability to take selfies with your Beatnik. Just like the one I have posted below, which is probably journalistic suicide.

4. Bakery Story 2 (Storm8)

New peeve: why do these customers insist on taking selfies when they're eating cakes? Do people really still do that? Have we not moved on as a species yet?

Slow going here as well, probably due to the fact that I tend to load it up once a week to make a video where I sigh a lot, rather than actually putting serious time and effort in.

5. Neko Astume: Kitty Collector (Hit-Point)

No dates this week, as it looks like people have realised that meeting up for coffee with me is actually just a recruitment drive to make them play Neko Atsume. You're welcome, Hit-Point.

With my quest to unlock the house for free seeming ever more impossible, I have turned to trying to lure in the rare cats, like Billy The Kitten, who only appears if you have a cowboy hat to play with.

Instead I keep getting Tubbs, a fat cat who comes in and cleans out your bowl with a smug little grin. Tumblr has gone crazy for him. Frankly, I'm more concerned about Shadow's "gift" that I just received.

6. Hello Kitty: World of Friendship (Assorted Nuts)

This game is so weirdly enjoyable. I have now, finally, caught up with myself from my iPad progress, and am in the midst of recording a hip-hop demo tape in a museum. Seriously.

I tried to make a video that accurately captures what it's like to play Hello Kitty: World of Friendship, so give that a look if you're interested.

7. Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes (EA)

Think I've finally got into the swing of things here. Having now become a convert of the Auto button, I regularly have my tablet to one side of me while working (please don't sack me), occasionally looking over to check my progress. Which is usually pretty poor.

Still, I'm clawing my way up the arena rankings and progressing nicely through the light and dark side battles, so I must be doing something right.

8. BRICKCRASH (Gree)

Absolutely smashing this, pun definitely intended. Now on the fourth area, having three-starred every level before it and unlocking a bunch of new outfits.

None of which I'm using, because the first outfit, which powers up your brick-smashing ability, is obviously the best.

9. Super Dangerous Dungeons (Jussi Simpanen)

Not got round to this so far this week. Which is odd, because I do enjoy it.

10. Episode – Choose Your Story (Pocket Gems)

I like, told Micah I was going to the party, and Micah was all, ugh, what-everrrr, and I was like, dude, chill, and he was all, I'm too cool for parties because I'm so deep and interesting and like Shakespeare, and I was like, you're like, the worst kind of person and I hope Satan drags you into the underworld and makes you his plaything for the rest of time.

11. Rune Story (COLOPL)

Despite a strong start last week, I haven't got back to Rune Story this week. I'll try to find time for it soon.

12. Rayman Adventures (Ubisoft)

Tried to play this a couple of times, but when an always-online game has severe network connectivity problems, it gets quite hard to do anything.

New Games

1. Katy Perry Pop (Glu Mobile)

I must confess, I was looking forward to this quite a bit. There are few things in this world that give me more hope for humanity than reskins of Kim Kardashian: Hollywood.

It feels unfair to call it that, but it is essentially true. Except this time, you can put on a pair of glasses that lets you talk to Katy Perry in the Perry Dimension, along with her best friends, a talking plant and a pink shark.

I am not making this up.

2. Star Sk8r (Halfbrick)

Had a mild case of curiosity regarding this one after tracking it in the Soft Launch list, so when it suddenly launched I was quick to download it and see what it's all about.

I'm still on the tutorial, I think, but even so I'm not particularly enthralled. Your sk8r stands limply on the board, as if you're actually just controlling a cardboard cut-out. And there's no particular challenge of any kind. But again, early days yet.

3. Alphabear (Spry Fox)

"Finally!", I thought, "a chance to prove to my family that spending three years of my life studying the English language wasn't wasted!"

How wrong I was. I'm terrible at this game.

4. Dashy Crashy (Dumpling)

My word, this is a lot of fun. It's a five-lane endless runner that rewards you for speeding up as much as possible and somehow avoiding the trail of destruction that lines your path.

It brings up all these childhood memories of playing OutRun 2 in the arcade, with the bright colours and excitable announcer. It's wonderful charming. Not sure how long it'll stay on my device, however.

Uninstalls

1. James Bond: World of Espionage (Glu Mobile)

Were you sick of me banging on about male power fantasies and the use of women as objects? Good news! I got so bored of it all myself that I deleted the damn thing.

2. Real Boxing 2: CREED (Vivid Games)

No matter how "vivid" the game might be, it's not actually that much fun.

3. Magic: The Gathering – Puzzle Quest (D3 Global)

Didn't play it at all, and every time I thought about going back to it, I found myself desperately trying to find something else to do. So it's gone.

Weekly recap

  • Installed: 4
  • Uninstalled: 3
  • In Play: 16
  • Spending: $4.99
  • To-date 2015 'Life Time' Value: $4.99

Keep up with what the Promiscuous Gamer is playing by subscribing to his YouTube channel.

Deputy Editor

Ric has written for PocketGamer.biz for as long as he can remember, and is now Deputy Editor. He likes trains.

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