Promiscuous Gamer

The Promiscuous Gamer gets stuck in a Katamari and calls his mother

The Promiscuous Gamer gets stuck in a Katamari and calls his mother

As game executive Bing Gordon famously put it (about) in 2010, "This is the most promiscuous app audience in the history of mankind."

This is the diary of a (brand new) promiscuous gamer... who now has a YouTube channel.

Current Games

1. Farm Away! (Futureplay)
[Spend to date: $4.99]

I've fallen out with Farm Away! a little bit. Having had a storming season, and with a projected 80 million seeds in the offing, I harvested my crops to start anew and found myself inundated with issues.

My new profit bonuses are much lower, my seeds are less powerful (despite having bought seed bonuses), and I'm now struggling to make money even after 24-hour gaps between play sessions.

Throw in to this the fact that I'm struggling to unlock any of the new crops, and you've got a fairly miffed gamer.

2. Bakery Story 2 (Storm8)

"Come back and play!" cry the endless notifications. "Meh," I respond, "maybe if I need some easy video content."

3. Sniper X (Glu Mobile)

I'm guessing they didn't get Statham to record a voice clip saying "OK Sniper, now play the target practice twenty times so you can afford to actually play a mission."

Might have made that bitter pill a little easier to swallow.

4. Beatniks (Harmonix)

Not played this in a while. Maybe I should delete this and put poor Miles out of his misery.

5. Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector (Hit-Point)

During a recent trip to visit Dumpling Design I mentioned that Neko Atsume was my favourite mobile game of 2015, to which Travis Ryan, head honcho, quietly corrected my pronunciation of the word "neko".

So first I'd like to apologise to everyone who heard me say that word incorrectly for the last three months.

Second, I finally unlocked the yard expansion, thanks to an influx of rare cats offering up gold fish. Didn't spend a penny. Witness my triumph.

6. Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes (EA)

First of all, I'd just like to say that, despite what Jon may have said in his article about the games you should have played in 2015, I was one of the many who saw The Force Awakens at midnight.

I love Star Wars. It was key to my childhood, and I will defend the original trilogy and Episode 1 (the rest of the prequels are awful) to the hilt.

Anyway, the game's going OK I guess. Still playing it daily, which I suppose is a good sign, but I'm starting to hit a bit of a wall with actual progression.

7. Brickcrash (GREE)

Completely forgot this game existed. Scared if I go back to it now, I'll finish it too quickly and have no reason to ever play it.

8. Episode – Choose Your Story (Pocket Gems)

I went to Glen Coco's party, and it was like, baller, and then Micah showed up with Regina George and I was all like, ugh, what-everrrr, that guy is such a douchebag, but in-game me is all like, OMG, NOT MICAH, CINAMMON ROLL TOO PRECIOUS FOR THIS EARTH, so I might have to merge my consciousness with the game Tron-style and give her a good slap.

9. Rune Story (COLOPL)

Had a quick bash at this over the holiday, but there's something about not having an energy system which is starting to worry me.

Not having a set point at which to stop playing means I'm limited only by my tablet's battery life, and given I generally play near a power outlet, even that's basically limitless.

Could I really so easily lose my life to Rune Story? I don't think I want to find out.

10. Katy Perry Pop (Glu Mobile)

There are so many mechanics in this game that feel completely pointless and wasted. Why is there an inspiration meter? Why does Katy Vision exist? So many questions, not enough answers.

It's hard to get anywhere in this game because the energy costs are incredibly high, especially compared to your meagre energy bar.

I keep spending whatever the hard currency is called to refill energy, which will make later interactions harder, but I just want to move on with my life sometimes.

11. Dashy Crashy (Dumpling Design)

Dumpling showed me how to play this game like a pro, and then I completely forgot everything they showed me and am now resoundingly awful at it.

It's still fun to play, however. Good for short bursts, and I am actually tempted to buy a car to remove the ads for unbroken madness.

New Installs

1. Tap My Katamari (BANDAI NAMCO)

I have played one Katamari game prior to this, and for some reason it just made me feel really ill. I'm thinking about it now and getting a headache.

Tap My Katamari reduces the sticky ball action to a simple tapping game, more in line with an idle clicker than a fully-fledged platformer that the series usually plays as.

Still, I am enjoying it. It has a neat system that doesn't let you progress through the game unless you're playing it, but you can still collect coins when you're not playing, which then makes returning to the game a lot easier.

Tapping is completely destroying my hands, however. Curse you, RSI.

2. BattleHand (Kongregate)

"From some people who made Fable," read a thing somewhere. "Sold!" I cried, and downloaded this straight away.

Played two tutorial missions for the YouTube channel so far, but will definitely be throwing some time into it again. Card-based RPGs aren't usually my scene, but this looks to be doing something interesting with the format.

3. Candy Crush Jelly Saga (King)

Alright, look. I don't like match-3 games. My mum is an absolute beast at them, however. She's on level 600 of Candy Crush Saga, and has only used a few IAPs to get there.

So the question here isn't whether I'm enjoyingd Candy Crush Jelly Saga (I'm not), but would my mother enjoy it? Hang on, I'll call her and ask.

No, she hasn't played it yet, but she's going to give it a go and get back to me next week. For now, here's my short video of it.

Uninstalled

1. Hello Kitty: World of Friendship (Assorted Nuts)

Absolutely stormed my way through this over Christmas, fully expecting to be able to say that I'd finished it in this article.

However, I hit a point where the cost to continue was so great that even an IAP wasn't a viable option. Check the super short video I did to see a full explanation.

2. Super Dangerous Dungeons (Jussi Simpanen)

I just don't have the time or patience for this anymore. Would highly recommend it to anyone who hasn't played it yet. There's no bad blood here.

3. Rayman Adventures (Ubisoft)

Connection problems persisted. Interest waned. Dragged it to the uninstall button. A shame.

4. Star Sk8r (Halfbrick)

Was so disinterested in playing this since the last entry in my diary that I straight up deleted it after I hit publish.

5. Alphabear (Spry Fox)

I don't like feeling stupid.

Weekly recap

  • Installed: 3
  • Uninstalled: 5
  • In Play: 14
  • Spending: $0.00
  • 2016 'Life Time' Value: $0.00

Keep up with what the Promiscuous Gamer is playing by subscribing to his YouTube channel.

Deputy Editor

Ric has written for PocketGamer.biz for as long as he can remember, and is now Deputy Editor. He likes trains.

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