As game executive Bing Gordon famously put it (about) in 2010, "This is the most promiscuous app audience in the history of mankind."
This is the diary of a (brand new) promiscuous gamer... who now has a YouTube channel.
1. James Bond: World of Espionage (Glu Mobile)
It’s amazing how much progress slows when you get to the second set of missions. The energy cost doubles, and the number of encounters you have per mission increases dramatically too.
Apparently I’m now trying to seduce Fatima, which is slightly disappointing. I had hoped she would have a little more agency, given that she’s, well, an agent.
2. Farm Away! (Futureplay)
[Spending to-date: $4.99]
I did it. I’m so sorry, everyone. There was a new update that introduced a whole raft of bonus content to the game, but you can only access it if you’ve unlocked all the previous plots first.
When I started writing this I was mere hours away from being able to afford the final plot, and temptation struck. I bought a pack of gems.
Now I’ve discovered that you must work towards unlocking the new plot types by finding shoeboxes and slowly unveiling stickers found within them. $4.99 to unlock a new set of monetized unlockables and a farting bird on a telephone wire. I may cry.
3. Sniper X (Glu Mobile)
Oh, the sweet draw of the grind. Finally caught up with my iPad progress, only to be held back by the insistence that my sniper rifle isn’t powerful enough to fire a bullet into a person’s face and kill them.
Still, at least Statham’s happy.
4. Beatniks (Harmonix)
Having realised that recording my time on Beatniks would actually be incredibly dull, I have returned to Miles, the blue blob of jazz, given him a quick wash, fed him, and played some games.
Progress has ground to a halt at level 13, but with the next evolution only two levels away I feel drawn to check in every now and then and complete some tasks. And to make sure Miles isn’t gnawing at the furniture in 5/4 time or something.
5. Bakery Story 2 (Storm8)
Alright, so maybe the old guy can’t chew very well, so he needs to cut up his cakes into smaller pieces to eat them more easily? That… seems logical, I suppose.
Not made it too far in Bakery Story 2 this week, mostly because the bizzaro-world economics are pushing me to the verge of insanity.
6. Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector (Hit-Point)
The person from the date last week is no longer replying to my texts. However, I have persuaded another woman to download Neko Atsume, and now I’m receiving updates every time a new cat arrives in her garden.
My own garden now has a few new toys, including a blue cube that some of the cats like to sit in. Here’s a picture of one of them doing just that.
7. Hello Kitty: World of Friendship (Assorted Nuts)
Real talk for a second: why do people keep making Hello Kitty work? In a post office? Or at a fire station? This is literally child labour. We have laws against that now.
Finally got back on this on my Nexus 9, although, weirdly, when I first loaded it up (or at least, what I thought was the first time I loaded it up) I was in the post office, wearing clothes I don't remember buying. Which sounds a lot like the last time I went out for a quiet pint with friends.
8. Real Boxing 2: Creed (Vivid Games)
Sly Stallone’s piercing gaze forced me into buying a slightly offensive tattoo that I didn’t want. Which also sounds like the last time I went out for a quiet pint with friends.
9. Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes (EA)
As you can see below, I have yet to be swayed by the Auto function in this game. Also I haven’t played it that much.
10. BRICKCRASH (Gree)
Made it to level 2-1 and didn’t swear once! On camera, at least. Still having fun, even if it is infuriating me at times.
11. Super Dangerous Dungeons (Jussi Simpanen)
Beat the first boss. Witness my ecstasy at this momentous occasion below.
12. Episode – Choose Your Own Story (Pocket Gems)
Last time I played this, I nearly lost my mind. It was late, and I really wanted to go for coffee with Micah (despite the fact he seems like a complete tool), but it was going to require an IAP to get me there.
Didn’t think my bank manager would approve, to be honest, so I left it. But you can witness me sounding the Barnesly war-cry (“how much??”) in the video.
1. Rune Story (COLOPL)
Back from the dead is COLOPL’s mobile RPG, which runs fine on my new tablet, but sadly not in conjunction with YouTube Gaming, which crashes every time it sees data being downloaded.
Despite this minor setback, I’m having a lot of fun with the game. Within about fifteen minutes I’ve jumped up to level 14 and can completely dominate any battlefield single-handedly, though that hasn’t stopped me summoning a cat-thing as an additional party member.
The world always needs more cats. Especially ones with swords.
2. Rayman Adventures (Ubisoft)
Had been quite looking forward to this since it was first announced, and seeing it slowly update in the Soft Launch list only made me want it more.
It’s a lot of fun, as it happens. I think I described it as “the closest to the console version of the game you’re going to get” in my first video of the game, which feels like the most accurate thing I could’ve said at the time.
Shortly afterwards, I encountered all the free-to-play gubbins that’s been hastily shoved in to monetise the hell out of everyone playing, and my opinion rapidly shifted. Still, when it isn’t deliberately making everything harder for you in a bid to make you use IAPs, it’s a fun game.
3. Magic: The Gathering – Puzzle Quest (D3 Global)
Having no experience with Magic: The Gathering, and very little experience with the match-3 genre, I’m perhaps not the right person to talk to regarding this mash-up of the two.
From the incredibly brief amount of time I’ve spent with it, however, I must say that it’s reasonably good fun. Of course, I’ve only played the first two tutorial battles, so who knows what I’ll be saying about it when I actually get into the game proper.
1. Hearthstone: Heroes of Warcraft (Blizzard)
It’s perhaps a little incorrect to say I have “uninstalled” Hearthstone, but it is fair to say that I haven’t touched it since that first video on my YouTube channel many moons ago. So for the purposes of the diary, I’m binning it.
And also because it takes up a ton of space on my tablet, which I need for a multitude of other games. I am a promiscuous gamer, after all.
2. FIFA 16: Ultimate Team (EA)
2GB downloaded for a game I played once. I don’t even like football. What on Earth was I thinking?
- Installed: 3
- Uninstalled: 2
- In Play: 15
- Spending: $4.99
- To-date 2015 'Life Time' Value: $4.99
Keep up with what the Promiscuous Gamer is playing by subscribing to his YouTube channel.