As game executive Bing Gordon famously put it (about) in 2010, "This is the most promiscuous app audience in the history of mankind."
This is the diary of a (brand new) promiscuous gamer... who now has a YouTube channel.
1. Farm Away! (Futureplay)
(Spend to date: $4.99)
Finally deleted my iOS farm. Didn't make sense to needlessly murder innocent farmyard animals on two different devices anymore.
Ok, so that might be a bit harsh to say, but you can't deny that sometimes the harvesting animation does look like you're decapitating some of the animals.
A recent Easter update adds in what appears to be an Easter bunny to unlock, so I'm currently working toward being able to lop its head off for major cash rewards. Cha-ching!
2. Neko Atsume: Kitty Collector (Hit-Point)
I have been beaten. The last girl I introduced Neko Atsume to has now collected photos of every single cat in the game, including all of the super rare ones. And she won't shut up about it.
I'm still persisting, however. My collection of toys is rather impressive, and I'm finally reaching a point where the rare cats I've yet to see are starting to appear in my garden.
Hopefully I'll soon be on track to match my friend's achievement, before totally crushing her.
3. Star Wars: Galaxy of Heroes (EA)
One of my main goals for the past couple of weeks (though I haven't been playing particularly regularly, otherwise I probably would've completed this by now) is to level up my Resistance Trooper.
He's actually a very good unit, held back on my squad purely because he's not currently at a high enough star level.
Unfortunately, the game seems to hate me trying to level him up, and refuses to drop more than one shard a day from simming Hard matches. So thanks for that.
4. Episode – Choose Your Story (Pocket Gems)
Alright. I understand the need to have a love interest in a teen comedy directed at a largely female audience. But why, in a game about choosing my story, am I being forced down a particular path?
Micah represents everything wrong with men – he clearly thinks he's better than everyone, but he's just occasionally nice enough to not be completely detestable. Unless you're me, and see right through him.
In other news, I palmed off the "Campus Crush" storyline to a crush of my own, and she's loving it. So the evidence that I'm not the right person to play this game is now overwhelmingly clear.
5. Tap My Katamari (BANDAI NAMCO)
Traded in my Katamari for star tokens, and now I'm breezing through the game. I am a leaf on the wind. Except I'm a tiny green man pushing a giant, sticky ball.
Star tokens buy presents, and these presents make the game much easier, by increasing your power and reducing how many levels you have to play through to advance.
As such, I'm now back to where I was after two months of play initially, except this time it took me about a week. Glorious.
6. Vainglory (Super Evil Megacorp)
Slightly less obsessed with Vainglory at the minute. Mostly because of another game that came along recently, which I will discuss later.
I am now level 10, which used to mean I could play Ranked Matches and maybe start my career as a professional Vainglory player.
Sadly, I also need to have bought 8 characters, which I'm nowhere near doing for free, and I have to move house soon so can't afford to be spending money on such frivolities as my future career as a Vainglory player.
7. World Chef (Social Point)
Haven’t played this at all this week. Too busy fuming over how long it takes to make bruschetta. You've seen those Tasty videos on YouTube, right? They make burgers in 47 seconds!
8. Kendall & Kylie (Glu Mobile)
Eased off this a little, but still enjoying it quite a lot. It's just so easy to jump into and play, and thanks to dating, you can easily boost your fans and keep yourself relevant.
Plus, after a recent week off, I haven't had the Kim Kardashian effect occur, where spending too much time away completely kills your fan count and means you basically have to start over. Thanks, Kim.
9. Alto's Adventure (Snowman)
Managed to get through the second set of challenges and unlock a new character, but I much prefer Maya, a truly majestic snowboarder who flips through the air as though it were second nature.
I also have to say, I think this might be the definitive version of Alto's Adventure. You normally wouldn't hear anyone say "the free version is much better!" but, well, it is.
Skipping challenges with coins and watching videos for continues are excellent design decisions, and I applaud them. Literally. Every time I see them, I have to stand up and clap my hands together. It makes playing the game quite hard.
10. Futurama: Game of Drones (Wooga)
Unlocked Zapp Brannigan, and now I can't stop playing without doing an incredibly bad impression of him and quoting my favourite episode, "War Is The H Word".
If you really want to hear how bad it is, watch the video. Still enjoying the game, though.
11. Color Switch (David Reichelt)
Was on a train recently and sat next to two young people who couldn't get off their phones long enough to hold anything approaching a conversation. Ugh! Millenials. Also, one of them was playing Color Switch.
I dip in and out every now and then, but as I've said before, it's really not my type of game.
1. Clash Royale (Supercell)
Did you know this was out? If you didn't, then perhaps you're not suited for the mobile gaming business. It's kind of a big deal.
It's also a bit good. I've previously slagged it off and said it won't be the next big thing in eSports, which it won't, but that doesn't mean that it isn't a very good game.
I'm also incredibly average at it, which is something I say with pride swelling in my chest. I win matches and lose matches, but, most importantly, I win matches. It's a good feeling.
2. Train Conductor World (Voxel Agents)
So, technically, iOS-only games are outside my remit because I can't make videos of them. But, this game has trains in it, and I like trains, and I'll cry if I want to.
This game is wonderful, by the way. It's also really bloody hard, but that's beside the point. It's like Flight Control on tracks, and with destruction and terror. Except the terror is just in my mind.
Not sure I can really gauge how far into the game I am, but I'm going with a tentative "not very", and an almost certain "this will be deleted in a few weeks."
1. BRICKCRASH!! (Gree)
Too scared to go back.
2. Katy Perry Pop (Glu Mobile)
I'd rather play Kendall & Kylie, thanks.
3. Pridefest (Atari)
For a game about colour and excitement and, well, campness, this is really quite boring.
4. Pirate Power (Godzilab)
Can't get into it at all.
In Play: 13
To-date 2016 'Life Time' Value: $0.00
Keep up with what the Promiscuous Gamer is playing by subscribing to his YouTube channel.