[Update: Obviously this article is an April Fool's.]
In an audacious move, Supercell has announced it’s buying Chinese internet giant Tencent.
The reverse takeover follows what had appeared to be acquisition of 84.3% of Supercell by a Tencent-led consortium back in June 2016.
However, it now seems the 15.7% of Supercell that wasn’t part of the deal has been used in what’s known in financial circles as the classic Trojan Stalking Horse Inverted Heimlich Maneuver.
“It sounds like a mixed medical equine metaphor but it’s a powerful way of leveraging collateralised future obligation junk so the acquirer starts choking on the original deal.
“You can then slap them on the back really hard while stealing their wallet,” commented financial whiz kid Billy Whizz.
“Beware Finns bearing gifts,” he said, before adding, “And Finns baring...”
Taking back control
Although details remain scarce, it appears a consortium of Finnish companies coalesced during a heavy sauna session.
If Chinese chicken farms can invest in games so can Finnish fish farmers.
“The Softbank deal was just about acceptable, but handing around Finland’s most profitable company like a diamond necklace in a pawn shop was a step too far,” grumbled aggressive driver Mr Hog Rider.
Funding their ambitions with an insanely leveraged plan that will bet Supercell’s future tax payments to the Finnish government in an online Macau casino, the deal was saved at the last minute by the financial backing of a large salmon farm and processing outfit.
“If Chinese chicken farms can invest in games so can Finnish fish farmers,” said Finnish fish farmer Hanka-Taimen Hukkanen.
Everything everywhere
However, Tencent insiders say that in normal circumstances the adventurous move by the Finns would have floundered.
Indeed, it only succeeded because Tencent has invested in and acquired so many other companies, no-one in its finance department has a clue what they should be doing, let alone where all their money is supposed to be.
“Actually, filling in Supercell’s tax return from a hotel in Helsinki and then betting the lot on red 15 will be very similar to my previous job,” suggested CFO George Renminbi.
“But the view will be better.”
Chairman Mao is not amused.
[Source: Supercell Press Office]
